Confessions of a Former Substitute Teacher

NOTE: To protect the innocent, no colleagues or students will be mentioned by name in this article.

It was my junior year of high school when I decided I'd like to pursue a career in the education field. I had grown increasingly interested in psychology as well as how school's work and wondered what it would be like to teach the subject to students. The year following my graduation in 2002, just days after my 18th birthday, I began substitute teaching at my alma mater. The strangest part of my first subbing job was that there were actually students in the class that were older than me, and many other students that recognized me from the previous year. It was soon a normal occurrence to be asked immediately by students in the halls "what class are you subbing today?" Yes, I'd achieved the much-coveted "cool sub" title.

In my two years of substituting, I saw many things. I was groped by more than one student. I witnessed two couples of supposedly straight girls making out in more than one instance. I was forced to recognize my Generalized Anxiety Disorder as the result of a panic attack during a class without provocation. And finally, I saw some of the most idiotic and retarded acts by students. On the flip-side, I was able to see the other side. The side where these were no longer my teachers, but my colleagues. Where these were no longer principals, but bosses. I got to hear some great testimonials from these individuals regarding the field, good and bad.

It eventually became a burden, and I was forced to discontinue my career as a substitute teacher. I didn't have enough funding to continue schooling, and still owe my college a good amount of money; a bill that must be paid before I move on to more classes. I have decided against the education field for a few reasons. First of all, the pay would not be enough for the work being done. The students can make you feel like a hero at times, and a completely useless and helpless piece of trash at others. I thought that those students who fail classes just needed a good teacher to step in and turn them around. I once dreamed that I'd one day be that teacher. But when one of the best, and most lenient, teachers I'd ever had the pleasure of calling a friend told me that he still has students that fail his class, and that it eats at him all the time, I knew the dream was exactly that...a dream. If a student doesn't want success on their own, there is nothing the teacher can do to change that. Such is the curse of the educator.

Right now, I'm planning to someday soon get my degree in Music Recording followed by a degree in psychology. Who knows though, maybe I'll go back to education, but at age 21, the future is wide open.